No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
