she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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