DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
