Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
