theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
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Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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