where am i from again
this boner is exhausting
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
