My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
