i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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