We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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