my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize