Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got inside last night via doggy door
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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