What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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