if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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