I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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