3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
