they need to just BURY HIM!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
