If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
