thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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