it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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