Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
