Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
