Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
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okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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