well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
