you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
