I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
even my farts smell like vagina
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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