i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
