Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is Oprah even human
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
