Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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