New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
