I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
