she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
