3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
