when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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