there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
