I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize