Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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