it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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