you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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