I cannot find my penis.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
