I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm always down for nudity.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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