I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
