My room smells like vodka and shame
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
