I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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