I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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