sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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