My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ladies don't puke and tell
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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