so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
