Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize