just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
