She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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