Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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