My balls are so social today.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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