I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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