the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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