I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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