I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
