I think I am morally bankrupt
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
