Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
