you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
