Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
