Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
