needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize