i permit you to call me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
