Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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