dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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