We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
