i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
