that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
