why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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