I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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