So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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