It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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