I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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