at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
