Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize