mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
