super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
