I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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