i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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