WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
